My neighbor's standing in our laundry room, also known as the room of chaos. I'm looking at the quilt thrown over loads of clothing, waiting for me to attempt yet again to scrub the blue paint off of it. She's smiling at me and then I hear her say, "I sure wish you could be reincarnated as one of your children."
My brain moves from quilts to what the time frame for being reincarnated is believed to be. Would it actually be possible for me to be reincarnated as one of my children since they are already born? Could I die and become them at birth and go back in time?
And just as I try to give a smile of kindness she explains herself...."Your children are having such a wonderful childhood, it would be nice for others to have it, too."
Oh, good. No deep talk on my ignorance of reincarnation! But then the self-talk changes its tone. "If she only knew," I tell myself, "she'd never say that. My mothering abilities are a poor excuse for one who calls herself a Christ-follower. My children suffer for my sins and I'm not anything close to giving them a good childhood."
This weekend marks a new year. A time given us to reflect on who we've been and reconsider who we want to be. But the shoes I've been trying to put on this past year are too big. I slip around in them, bumping into things, falling down, and eventually giving up trying to wear them.
My children and I have been listening to a Christmas CD by Andrew Peterson. It's titled Behold, the Lamb of God. The first song starts,
Gather round ye children come,
Listen to the old, old story.
Of the power of death undone,
Of an infant borne of glory.
Son of God. Son of Man.
So sing out with joy,
For the brave little boy
Who was God but
He made Himself nothing.
Well He gave up His pride
and He came here to die
Like a man.
And we've played it over and over and now my children burst out in the chorus together and I just want to stop and say, "do you really get it?"
In my heart I know I'm really asking the question to ME!
The music has guided my focus for the year. It reminds me of where my mind should really be....
Beholding the Lamb of God.
I looked up the word Behold...such a common word in the Bible. I think you can find it in all if not almost all the books of the Old Testament. Most of the New Testament as well, except the epistles.
Behold means to take note of. It can also mean to submit oneself to.
Could it be common in my life this year...beholding my Savior in all things??? Beholding Him everywhere, each chapter, each unknown....
This is my focus for the year...to behold the things that God is doing in and around me. To submit to the things God is asking of me.
Behold, the Lamb of God. Behold, I am the Lord's servant, may it be to me as you have said. Behold, I am making all things new!
This year I desire to behold God's work in me as good. To look to Him and not at myself. To wear the shoes He sets out for me gladly. To see the words of a neighbor as gifts from my Savior and not as another reason to criticize myself.
Beholding Him in all things.
Newness falling fresh on a life of normalcy.
Beholding each moment as a gift, a trust.
I am undone. Yes, Lord, Help me to Behold.